it hurts.

My head hurts. Every morning I wake up with a headache. I have trouble sleeping. I have trouble escaping my thoughts. I feel consumed by stress. My body feels like it's manifesting its own disease. I feel withdrawn. I feel like I want to curl up in my cave and hide....other days I feel like packing my bags and never looking back. This has been happening for a few weeks now. For some reason I just feel soooo lost. I've lost my spark...the spark that had me peacefully blissfully happy just a few months ago. I want that feeling back so bad...

breaking the silence.

I've been laying very low here in blogland this past month. To be honest, I haven't had the energy or the heart to write about everything that's been going on recently. There is soooo much to tell...I just don't know where to start...

Sweet Cheeks xox

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

I have cried my eyes out alllllllllll day for no reason at all. This is the first time this has ever happened to me and I'm so lost for words.

To be honest I feel like such a dick. Seriously, I have cried over everything and nothing. Far out, it's my birthday tomorrow and this is how I spend my last day being 24?!?! I'm meant to be excited...instead I'm feelin' depressed and sad. What the??

I literally feel like curling up in bed and retreating from the rest of the world for the next few days. I have even gotten the day off work tomorrow so I don't have to pretend to be happy. I have even cancelled my birthday celebrations because I couldn't be fucked being happy for the sake of others. Fuck me, I went out of my way to plan something to cater to everyone elses needs, then to shit me right off I only hear back from a couple of people. Far out, sometimes it's moments like this that you find out who you're real friends are. Seriously, this is why i hate doing something for my birthday because the same shit happens every year!

Wow...I've just had an uh-huh moment. Now that I've vented, I now know why I'm sad. I can't believe I've wasted all day being sad about this.

I guess I feel like I'm always going out of my way to make people feel so special...especially on their birthday. But why is that I'm surrounded by friends that are dictated by their partners...seriously, one of my girlfriends said she's come if her partner was working, my other girlfriend has no car, my other girlfriend..well, I haven't even heard from her. Then there's mr and mrs gym and mrs pretty much said they'd only come if it was kid-friendly, but I was really just wanting a night out and he said he wouldn't be allowed to come out for drinks on his own...and you know what...that's enough bullshit to drive anyone crazy.

Anyway, that's my vent. So I'm going to have my final cry coz tomorrow it's my birthday. and Birthday's are meant to make you feel super special.

Magic.

A dear friend of mine told me that a man gets turned on visually. Plain and simple. If he doesn't, then somethings wrong and maybe a little vitamin v would do the trick. But I sincerely believed, that in this particular situation, it truly was a case of 'mind over matter'. And today proved me right.

Every time we get a 'private moment' we are always restricted by time or location and the risk of getting caught is extremely high. Yet I have this crazy ability (maybe because I've been in this position before) to completely surrender to the moment without worrying about anything else. Meanwhile, he is the complete opposite. He struggles to let go and surrender to the moment, always fighting the little voices in his head and as a result, this has had a tremendous impact on his 'performance'.

Frustrating? Not really. I completely understood where he was coming from. The frustrating part is waiting for the 'perfect' opportunity for us to be together...and that means a hotel room for a night far away from home.

So when he came over today, it was meant to be innocent, just like most of our private moments. But it turned out to be 'the perfect opportunity' we had been waiting for.

For some reason, time and location were not an issue for him today. Maybe it was the sexy music playing in the background that helped him to relax. Maybe it was because there was no expectations of what was going to happen. Maybe it was because his wife was interstate and wouldn't be wondering where he is. Maybe it had something to do with the recent death in his family. Maybe it was a combination of all of these things. Who knows.

But I'd like to believe that maybe he just finally realised that every private moment we get together is the 'perfect moment' we're always waiting for. Because even though our environment wasn't any different to other occasions, today he was somehow able to push those little voices inside his head aside. This then allowed him to completely surrender and experience me experiencing him.

Just magic...pure bliss...without the need for any vitamin v.

Introducing Dora.

From the very first day I met Dora we just clicked. We even flirted a little. After 3 or so months we finally went for drinks. There was a lot of sexual chemistry going on but I wasn't sure if I was just reading into it because I wanted to go there. But as it turned out, she was curious and very confidant, making the first move. That night we ended up making out in the spa/shower/hotel room. It was HOT!! But it was also very tame. Plus, she freaked out a little the next day...admitting it was fun, but she could never go there again.

Then we went out again...a last minute thing that saw us drive over 2hrs to our destination. Again, soooo much sexual chemistry between us. This time it was on the dancefloor...out in the open for everyone to see. Again, she made the first move...our lips locking...sensual and loving. IT WAS HOT!!! But it was again, very tame.



Then, just last weekend, I had a sleepover at her house. This time it was not tame ;-) A bottle of wine later it was just her and me dancing crazy around the living room. Then we ventured to the bedroom for one hell of a night! I could not wait to go down on her!!! There is something so sexy about it...I can't explain it! I think it was the first time I've actually made a woman cum...wow...what a feeling!!!

She's keen for a threesome...and so am I! And so is hubby! Now I just need to create the perfect opportunity :-)

Be Strong.

I just received a phone call from him. I couldn't really talk as I was in the car with the family but he instructed me to listen. He sounded stressed...I had only spoken to him a few hours earlier so I knew whatever he had to say wasn't going to be good.

He told me that his wife went searching through his phone this morning and found a text he sent me a few hours earlier. It read, "Hey gorgeous girl...mu xoxo". (mu = miss you.....got any other ideas as to what it could mean?????????)

It's a pretty innocent text but I got the impression that she may have lost the plot. Now she's convinced that something is going on between us. He doesn't think she'll call me, but if he does, he said, "Just be strong...really strong".

The Gift.

I looked over at him while he was driving and just gave him my cheeky little grin. He had no idea, what was about to happen.

I reached over and cranked up the music. I undid my seatbelt, adjusted the lever on my seat and push it all the way back. My cheeky little grin just got that little bit cheekier.

*press play and read on.


I seductively put my feet up on his dashboard....slid my hands over my legs, in between my thighs and over my little black shorts. He was smiling from ear to ear trying to keep his focus on the road straight ahead.

I started to groove in my seat...slowly arching my back as I layed down...running my hands up over my body, up the side of neck and through my hair. He had a quick glance.

I lifted up my black singlet revealing my naked skin. He had another quick glance but still kept his focus on the road. So, I lifted it higher...this time revealing my sexy little black bra. This time his glance lingered a little longer...long enough that he started to swerve.

Now that I had his attention, it was time to surprise him. I undid my pants...slid my shorts off...and slowly slid my hand under my sexy little black g-string. Arching my back, biting my lip...running my hand over my face...the other hand craving to touch myself. He could not believe his eyes.

To make it more real for him, I made him join in. I wanted him to feel just how wet I truly was, so I grabbed his hand and slid it under my knickers. For the rest of the song, I layed back and enjoyed feeling him feeling me.

This was the first time something like this has ever happened to him!! Lets just say, the gift I gave is gonna last forever...